I really enjoy you post about building your confidence in a one size fits all society. I too grew up feeling like an outcast because I was big for my age as well as lack of social skills. I was bullied and ignored for most of my life. I was fed with that poison that if you're fat you're unworthy, unlovable, disgusting, ugly, etc. I was even told by people in my inner circle that if I lose weight men would like me. Now I'm in a place where I believe that I am worthy. I am beautiful. Thank you.
Of course you are! Thank you for those kind words, and you should thank yourself for overcoming all that you did. You are beautiful.
As you read this, note that all opinions are simply those of my fabulous brain and does not in any way try to reflect the ideas of anyone who has a contrasting opinion…Let’s begin.
A little about myself,
My name is Tony. I’m 24 years old and live in a suburban city just north of Boston, I was born in Dorchester Massachusetts and have moved throughout new england and have encountered many different people of all colors, creeds, and mentalities. I suffer from severe anxiety disorder and am diagnosed with adhd and depression, and on top of that I happen to be 300 pounds flat. Despite all physical and mental setbacks I live a life of confidence and joy. Any person who the world deems as obese or physically inept can reach an illusion of hitting a wall. A wall in which one can not overcome. You’re just stuck. You don’t fit in with the crowd of beautiful people and you can’t conform to the standards of american beauty because you’re fat. Right? So what is there to do…Well you have to stay there. You have to stay on your side of the wall and mingle with your type of people because the world and media is so non accepting of anything that’s not publishable on a television commercial or a magazine ad for the latest trendy clothing line or perfume. So with that fate you must now accept the fact that you’re deemed not good enough, and must sit back and enjoy what you have while the rest of the world gets laid, dances at clubs, and plays sports. What a perfect life. When I was about 10 years old I couldn’t catch a break in school. I was bullied harassed on a daily basis simply because I couldn’t fit into an Abercrombie and fitch t shirt. I sucked at gym class, and quite frankly I had bigger breasts than any of the simplistic minded girls that wouldn’t be caught dead associating with the only fat kid in class. Now, understandably we were all young, and couldn’t yet grasp the logic of tolerance. But the pain that kind of environment puts on a kid really sinks in. From a young age you face that wall. And there’s nothing you can do about it, at least it seems. Flash forward 14 years, and here I am a 24 year old man who still fittingly rocks a 2xl t shirt and a size 50 jean, The only difference is, I’m the most confident person I know.
In the publics eyes a wall is put up to prevent you from walking on to the other side. But what I see is different. It’s a challenge. It’s a challenge to see how efficiently you can get over it. It’s there to test us. We all want to fit in with the crowd. We all want the conformity this country offers. Simple pleasures of going to the beach, or swimming in a pool, going to a club, or having a significant other. But for a lot of people who deal with body issues those pleasures have now become tasks that one wouldn’t dare to consider or partake in. Ones self image can really do damage to the brain. A drop in confidence. And it doesn’t get better, Sure we can take our mind off it by watching a movie or getting involved in a television series but in the end of the day the rest of the world is still on the other side of that wall and you’re left with what the rest of the world doesn’t want. A lot of the reason we think this way is because at a young age we’re force fed these ideas or in my opinion illusions on what’s perfect or beautiful. ( clear skin, flat stomach, toned abs, perfect breasts, skinny waist ). And it’s in everything you see, bathing suit ads, clothing store commercials, car commercials, skin care products. We see this at a young age and think..”wow I have to be like that”.. And god forbid you don’t end up in the shape that the world wants you to, you’ll be an outsider. And the truth is the majority of the population doesn’t see the perfect end result. And to the percent that does well then they are deemed the lucky ones. They have entered an exclusive club of the perfect people. Now what do people like us do?
Well for starters the road to self acceptance and putting an end to your body worries is your personality. Your charisma can go a long way, and get you places you never thought you could sitting on your couch. Keeping a firm tone with everyone you meet and sustaining a level of outgoingness gives off to people around you that you have no problem speaking to anyone. This allows you to grow confidence not only in yourself but in other people. This now breaks a barrier to anyone who may have had a pre determined idea on someone who is overweight that they are matched in verbal persona. Keeping that mentality will break barriers in your social life gaining you more will power to go out there and meet new people. This could lead to future advancements in work related situations, or social encounters.
With that first step you’re almost halfway up that wall.
Now you can’t win them all over by talking to everyone you see, But catching the eyes of another person through wardrobe is key in gaining you one more boost up to the higher point of the brick. Spice up your garments with something that screams you. I understand that not everything you see on television or magazines are equipped for big thighs and oversized bellies. But with the growing of pro plus size online shops, the market has never been bigger for fabulous clothing and honestly in my opinion wallet friendly threads. Supping up your dress wear gives you the mentality that you are in control of yourself. That you have a sense of creativity and style, and that you can out swag any opponent that you see treading the sidewalks. It boosts the self esteem and lightens your mood, knowing that you are wearing something that represents the person that you know you can be in the inside. Having people turn their heads for a quick glance does wonders to the soul. And smirks now become smiles.
Now that you have accomplished charisma and clothing, we get to the ledge of the wall ( it looks steep i know ) But here we go.
Self acceptance, believe it or not when the world wants to look at you a certain way you have to look over it’s shoulder. When you feel like the silly idea of beauty doesn’t love you, you have to love yourself. You need to realize that you are worth it. That there is a level of beauty in everyone. Let’s face it, not everyone is going to have the six pack. Not every one is going to have the small waist or the chiseled chin. But when the media wants to make everyone believe that there is a certain way your body should look, you need to convince them otherwise. The idea of the perfect body is an illusion. No one looks the same and no one has to. It’s a sad thought to think that because you don’t have the shape that resembles a standard that the world wants to push on you, that now you’re worthless. This is when you have to be mentally strong and know that these ideals are just illusions. Their illusions set by people who try to market to a certain demographic for self gain. Leaving the rest of the world to wander by themselves. But this doesn’t have to be the case. This doesn’t have to be the case for anyone. It’s take a type of will to stand in front of the mirror and say ” Hey, I don’t look like everyone else. But that’s ok. I don’t need to, I’m perfect in my own way”. More people are open minded than you think but unfortunately there are still the few who mask over personality and behavior for body type or skin complexion, It leaves us with the chance to rise above it and show the world that they are simply wrong. When you love yourself you love the way you look, feel, act. It puts a mental fixture in your brain that leaves you smiling when you walk out that door. I understand that it sounds a lot easier said then done. But if you don’t take a chance and realize that your beauty is from within then no one will.
But when you do, you’ll realize that there’s no need to jump off to the other side of that wall… You realize that you can come back down and enjoy the world that you know from your side. Because what’s left on the other side are simplistic minds, superficial people that you probably didn’t want to associate yourself with in the first place. Because you realize that your stomach doesn’t need to be flat, Your top doesn’t have to be a size small, your jeans don’t have to be be a size 10 to be perfect. Because the idea of the perfect body is simply an illusion.
We trust god to fix our problems. But we are the problem. How can you ask the almighty to fix whats within ourselves if we show no will power. We ask too much out of life, but give too little. We need to be inspired. But who’s shoulders does that fall on? We look for a scapegoat for our demise. We are the answers to our questions. But we always seem to backtrack and never put feet forward. Digression at it’s finest.